Finger Lickin’ Good

Text (I have not edited or fixed spelling/grammer) from a recent email exchange I had on an online dating site:

“Gentleman’s” Introductory email to me, we’ll call him “Top-Gun”:

Top-Gun:
You are very gorgeous

Top-Gun:
My name is Top Gun..write me if you are interested in knowing more about me..hope to hear from you... I AM LOOKING FOR A WOMAN THAT CAN FLY A JET..(ME) YOU WILL NEED TO KNOW WHAT BUTTONS TO PUSH , OR YOU WILL CRASH. I am an intelligent, complex, kind, and sincere person. And if you fly me the right way..and if you are a good pilot..the sky is yours.....

Me:
Hello:
Ahhhh.....a jet, eh?

I'd have to say I'm a luxury cruiseliner built for comfort. Powered by steam, I would need someone to keep the fire burning...

Sorry--I couldn't resist. :)

How's your day going so far?

Top-Gun:
I would love to keep you fire burning..full steam...I hope me do not hit any ice bergs...My day is great..I am doin fine...A little lonely... all in all I am a happy camper....You play the Chello???

Me:
Hello:

LOL - Yes, icebergs would be bad!!

So I see from your profile you're an artist? What medium do you usually work with?

I'd been teaching myself cello, but I'm in need of a new a-string since the old one snapped. I'm also looking for a cello instructor to help me with technique and form...so it's a process.

So, Mr. Jet-Plane, how's xxxxx been treatin' ya?

Top-Gun:
I wrote you the worst email..you are an English major ???
Very embarrassing... I am new to this stuff..this xxxxx thing..so, I am not very good at it. I have been out of the dating loop for awhile...Other than that, I am great.

Me:
Yes, I was an English major, but in creative writing--so we're allowed to be "creative" in spelling and grammer. :)

I hear you about the dating scene....so tell me a little about yourself.

Top-Gun:
I enjoy staying home..I am a family man...single father of twin boys....I was raised by old fashion Italian parents...I enjoy much of the same things you do, I enjoy the Chello, NOT THE CELLO.
Chello is the spanish version of Jello....Hay mannn less make some Chello..ju know..I thought you would know that...(NOT FUNNY??)

with jokes a side, you look and seem sweet, smart as a wipp...

ME:
There's always room for "chello"...
How old are your boys?

Top-Gun:
They are 4 and a half...very handsome boys..good boys...

Me:
Ahhh....like father like sons :)

Top-Gun:
EAT.....CAN I TASTE YOU???

Me:
OK then...looks like this ship has come to port in crazy town.

Top-Gun:
COME ON...CUT TO THE CHASE...AT LEAST I AM FORWARD AND NOT PHONY..I KNOW U LIKE THAT...

Me:
True, but still, there should be a modicum of finesse to it all. Just sayin'...

Top-Gun:
SOOOO, CAN III???????????? Taste you???

Me:
Oh Sweetie..with my luck you're some 18 year old boy trolling the internets :)

Very entertaining though...

I do have to give you credit...you are straight forward. That's refreshing.

Top-Gun:
Love you...Top Gun

_________

And he was soooooo cute. I had high hopes for him. And to think he’s only 41….

Do you think he’d let me be Tom Cruise to his Val Killmer?